It is hard to find the words

The last private message I received from Travis: Love you. A first in 10 years of friendship which meant so much to me. It also devastated me because I knew he said it because he didn’t want it to go unsaid. He said it because he wanted to say it before he couldn’t.

To My Baby, I’m Sorry

My sweet child. Oh how long I waited for you, dreamed of you, and hoped for you. Because of our journey to bring you into this family, I anticipated how I would savor every moment, be cautious, and perhaps be even more click-happy as I knew you would be my last baby.  And then you…

A Case for Empathy

We’ve just finished dinner. After some convincing to clean her plate of chicken and broccoli she’s rewarded with the promise to enjoy some fun before going to bed. “Let’s play, Daddy!” “What should we play?” “Super Connie and Super Daddy!” They run through the house exhibiting their superpower: flying. And it was super. Hearing her…

What I’ve Learned in My Two Years as a Mama

Preface: The below reflections were originally written in April 2017. I managed to draft this and must have intended to include more and never got around to doing so. It’s been in drafts and I discovered it today as I was about to write about yet another birthday and another year of reflections. The below…

Vivian’s Newborn Images

Treasured images of our sweet baby girl and us, as a family of four. Rachel Manzke has been capturing the chapters of our lives for several years now. When she couldn’t commit to being there for Vivian’s birth due to a mix of a needed surgery, the holidays, and work, we were grateful she recommended…

A Birth Story: Vivian Ruth

Vivian. The name means ‘alive’ or ‘life’ which is exactly what we prayed for during our pregnancy. As I carried our child, my request of God was to hold this child, full of life and vitality, and to welcome him/her with every opportunity and advantage. Ruth means companion/ friend; a vision of beauty. It was also…

Our Rainbow Maternity Session

When these images were captured, we were just shy of 29 weeks; today marks 36. I remember looking at the countdown calculator on my pregnancy app or considering how far away December seemed in the first trimester. Now here we are four weeks, or less, or a bit more, from this life joining our family…

October Awareness

There’s a designated month, week or day for almost everything. October hosts a number including Breast Cancer, Domestic Violence, Chiropractic, Estate Planning, and Adopt A Shelter Pet Awareness… Another honored this month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. For all the personal reasons, this one holds the greatest meaning and consideration. Last year, we…

Pregnancy After Miscarriages

We’ve had support and love and prayers and positive thoughts from so many as we’ve gone through our pregnancy journey. Strangers and acquaintances have extended unexpected kindness; family and friends have shared in our heartache. I’ve connected with people from across the globe, literally, as a result of sharing our experiences. And there have been questions by many who…

The Halfway Point

We’ve hit another milestone and are half way through this pregnancy. It feels really good to be here. Today marks 20 weeks, 1 day. Exactly three weeks past the gestation when we lost James. This pregnancy feels really familiar. I feel much like I did when I was pregnant the first time. Sometimes I have…

Independence Celebration in South Dakota

For the Independence Day holiday, we ventured to South Dakota to spend a few days with Carl and Darcy (or as Connie refers to them, Papa Carl & Grandma Darcy). It was one of the longest vacations we have taken together and it afforded us four full days in ‘the wild west’. We made the…

Our newest hope

As I walked into the imaging room, I was working to keep my emotions under control. Everything was just below the surface and I felt I would lose it any at moment. “Before we get started, we need to go through some history,” said the imaging technician. I don’t know what I thought that meant…