A Reluctant Anniversary

For the past 17 months, we’ve been trying to get pregnant, pregnant, or recovering from pregnancy loss. It’s somewhat amazing, and certainly heartbreaking, to consider what has transpired over these many months. A year ago on May 23, 2016, our second pregnancy ended 17 weeks in and flipped me upside down. I had back pain…

Farming Heartbreak

I sat next to that new life with so much hopelessness. “What do we do?” I asked my husband. “We’ve done what we can do. Can’t save them all.” To which I responded, “I don’t buy that.” He looked at me in a way to say I understand this is hard, but this is life….

Aging Guilt

Tomorrow. She’s two years old tomorrow. Birthday #2 has been much harder than the first was for me. This week has been emotional. More than a few tears have been shed and even when I’m composed on the outside, my mama heart is tied up in knots. The countdown this week is a reminder that…

Thrive Market

Some of the ‘excuses’ I hear from folks about why they can’t eat “healthy” is 1) it’s too expensive, 2) they don’t have time, and 3) they don’t have access to quality foods because of where they live. Allow me to offer a solution for 1 and 3… I live pretty remotely and to compound my…

Valentines Day Hype

The drama, hope, and heartache of Valentine’s day… I can remember being in high school on Valentine’s day watching the office fill with balloons and flowers and waiting for the long announcement listing the names of students who had items to collect. Many were receiving signs of affection from their boyfriend or girlfriend or BFF….

Miscarriage Lessons from the Farm

Yesterday revealed a connection shared by all mothers, regardless of species. After we moved onto the farm and got things prepared for cattle, we purchased our ‘starter kit’: Five mature cows and six calves. In short order, I identified and proclaimed Camille to be our matriarch cow. She was the surest of herself and stood…

Power Smoothie Recipe

For simplicity, we call them smoothies, but my rendition is much more and not to be confused with an Orange Julius or other retail smoothie option which tend to be loaded with sugar and contain little to no nutrition. I was recently asked for the specifics on what I put in my smoothie. The contents…

Comparing Miscarriage Experiences

I’ve experienced two miscarriages. They were each devastating by their own account but very different experiences. After our first loss, I carried some fear of losing again, but more so, I carried confidence that it would not happen again. We would be spared another such loss. Perhaps I was naive or cocky but I had…

Sharing News Early

The rule is you wait until after the first trimester to share your pregnancy news. After 13 weeks, it is “safe to make the announcement” and accept the congratulations and well-wishes. News Flash! There is no safe zone.

Rememberance

“When a child loses a parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses their partner, they are called a widow. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them.” In 1988, President Reagan proclaimed October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This month recognizes the loss so many…

Pure Grief

It’s funny how when something happens to you personally, especially something that may be unique to you, or for you, you tend to see mentions of it when you wouldn’t expect it. In 1997 my youngest brother was struck by a train. Yes, a moving train. What are the odds, right? That same summer, 17…

Fresh Garden Salsa

In late summer and early fall, my garden is bursting with vine-ripened tomatoes and we indulge in a lot of salsa during the short season. A 5-quart batch can easily be consumed in two days between Cody and I. I also like to make large batches and share the deliciousness with family and friends. I’ve…